Today is the official release date of my debut novel, How to Dispose of Dead Elephants (Sandstone Press).

The book is currently available on Amazon and (if you live in D.C.) Politics and Prose Bookstore.

“What’s it about?” you ask.

In short: a high-school chemistry teacher with cancer (who moonlights on the weekends as an ethical serial killer) wakes up one morning in an abandoned hospital only to find that the world is now a post-apocalyptic zombie wasteland (except, that is, for a single town in rural Louisiana, which is better described as a post-shame vampire orgy) in which 12 districts compete in gladiatorial death-matches in order to settle how precisely the protagonist met the mother of his children. Periodically, the reader is reminded that winter succeeds autumn and that, since the novel begins in autumn, winter ergo is coming. Frequently, Kevin Spacey breaks the fourth wall.  Exponentially, characters die.

Okay, so that might be a slight fabrication…

Below is the official summary/blurb – in case you’re still (understandably) confused:

Stubb Marakas – one of those 20 year-old’s who indefinitely occupies his parents’ attic – awakes one morning with the insatiable urge to doodle Aesop fables. Aided by his best friend, Mark Connor (a swashbuckling Korean adoptee), the two set out to find the meaning behind this sudden craving, embarking on a journey which will force the two friends to come to grips with not only Stubb’s reemerging epilepsy and Mark’s unknown origins, but also the failing health of their childhood guru, an old Greek trickster called “Papou.”

Thanks again everyone for your awesome support and help in getting the manuscript completed in the first place! If you have the time and inclination, give it a read. I’d be honored.  Best,

-Andrew Gretes